My love song

I dream of you, I want to feel you. your beautiful and touch my skin gently. you cover your body with gasoline and light it so that the fames guide me to you... sweet love.... the fire you cast off is embedded in my heart and there is no removing it.

tonight is my last night in Germany. I will forever hold these people in my heart. i will always love them. I hate that i am leaving to be entirely honest with u. Life is so cruel. I feel my heart split into 2 ... half of it so ready to go home and the other half will always be here with these people. I want to love like this always to those that I am surrounded by. It changes everything.

ok... so I went to Europe. I saw Paris, Amsterdam, Germany (all of it), Rome... alot of really great places. What have I learned. I have learned a few things. First... The world is not as big as it seems. Everyone has relationship problems. Feelings like love, hate and indifference cross all cultural boundaries. People all around the world are basically the same... just speaking different language and into different entertainment. I believe that America has made a huge mistake in taking advantage of the power it holds to bully other people around. people fear and hate the American government because of this and are looking forward to a day when America is not the main world power... which if we do not have the support of anybody else in the world, wont be for long. I have also learned that war sucks... for everyone. The first thing u realize when coming over here is the influence war has when it is on the soil of ur family. How different would ur great grandparents or grandparents be if when they were in there 20s, they had bombs thrown into there backyard and had to pick up all the pieces. These people have had wars in their backyards for centuries and have learned to think... then react. Especially the Germans who are completely ashamed to call themselves German due to a dictator who emotionally bondaged the people and killed the spirit of an entire generation of people... whether or not they agreed with the situation or not. What i found interesting was that my flatmate just came home from Saigon 3 months ago. He told me that the Vietnamese do not consider the Vietnam war that, they all call it the American War. Go Figure. I have learned that my work has kept me from seeing the small things that God want to show me... like the girl across the room who needs a cough drop or the beauty in the sunrise and the crisp feeling of cold air on ur cheek... when ur mind is stuck in a book... ur never get out. My mind is forever going over facts and figures for my next exam. And lastly... i spread myself too thin. I want to spend time with people i really care about and not just because i am a social butterfly who chit chats with everyone. I wanna put more time into people i really care for. Anyways... thats it. hope everyone is doing alright.

jeanie

I have never felt so crushed in my entire life. Every thing inside of me feels so alone. Why God? I cry again and hope the pain passes with the next tear. My eyes are swollen and my heart just aches to call you and tell you that everything will be okay... but I cant because I dont know if it will. I love you and I miss you already. I hate this... If you ever read this, u should know how much I love you and how sorry I am.

I cant finish this...

Just get through the summer Jeanie

I just dont want anyone upset with me....

Just get yourself through the Summer Jeanie

And what if I loose, what if ...

the Summer Jeanie... just a couple of months to keep all those balls in the air.
Just stay focused and get through the Summer. You'll need their support and
confidence when you are away. Just keep your heart beating.

I keep telling myself it doesnt matter, that they love me regardless, but they deserve to know it, especially now after a whole year of me giving them the shaft. Allowing them to be second to my school. Especially Leslie... he deserves more.... That is all I want, and now the prep work is killing me when all I want to do is be with them before I go overseas... everyday, all the time.

Jeanie, just get through the summer.

nothing has changed. I hate the taste of it. It remains stagnant and stale and it runs through my veins as I drink you in. I cant drink anymore. Water in my lungs make it hard to breathe. I cant drink anymore unless the water is clean.

I know that we love each other. Love is not the question here. Its just one of those fleeting thoughts that come across my mind. I deserve crazy love... yea, we kiss with our lips, wear our hearts on each others sleeve... well... I guess you can let your pride keep me away from you. It is a wedge that you have created. I still love you.

Tomorrow is the last exam I have in the semester from Hades. I am so happy that it is almost over that I am really not even paying much attention to the information. Medical Surgical Nursing. I have read cover to cover 2097 pages/ 81 chapters and can only hope I have something of value to show for it. People think your smart cause you read when in actuality, you bust your ass and read every single line because your terrified and know how dumb you really are and absolutely need to read every line in order to come close to understanding it all. I love nursing... but I found myself asking if I would do it if I were a millionaire... and I am just not sure. I love music so much and missions. There are just a million other things. Maybe that is why I love nursing so much.. because I can do all of those things if I want at any point in my career. They are pushing nursing research so far, that I could do alot with music therapy and traveling... speaking of which... I got a scholarship to go to Europe for 3 months in the fall to do nursing research. Should be fun... but the best part about it is being able to live in Europe for 3 months and not spend a dime. God has been good to me despite the fact that I dont deserve it. So... thats it, the best update I have... hope everyone is doing fine. I forgot what a great study break livejournal could be. ...

.jeanie.

In 1984 (the year you were born)

Ronald Reagan is president of the US On a Challenger mission, two astronauts become the first humans to fly free of a spacecraft An Union Carbide insecticide plant in Bhopal, India seeps toxic gas killing over 2,000 Penthouse magazine publishes nude photographs of Miss America Vanessa Williams The Soviet Union boycotts the Los Angeles Summer Olympics Richard Stallman starts developing GNU "Where's the Beef?" commercial campaign for Wendy's airs for the first time The Apple Macintosh, the first consumer computer to use a computer mouse and GUI interface, is introduced by Apple Ethiopian famine begins Mandy Moore and Avril Lavigne are born Detroit Tigers win the World Series Los Angeles Raiders win Superbowl XVIII Edmonton Oilers win the Stanley Cup Ghost Busters, Beverly Hills Cop, Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom, Gremlins, and The Karate Kid are top grossing films "When Doves Cry" by Prince and the Revolution spends the most time at the top of US charts Michael Jackson's hair catches fire during the filming of a Pepsi commercial The Cosby Show, Punky Brewster, and Who's the Boss? premiere

it has been forever since my last update... but to sum it all up

sick of school but doing good in my classes

wrapped up in baseball (the world classic)

missin leslie as usual

frustrated with those around me and missing what it felt like to have friends that were real.

the God for family

Hope everyone is having a blast in LJ world. Monday is being taken over by Wilma and as much as I wish this was giving me an opportunity to study more, it seems to just have me preoccupied. .... with what you ask? groceries, cleaning, moving patio furiture, putting up shutters and the works. Lets hope the power stays on this time so that I will have some light to get some reading done.

busy school, busy work, busy family creates a really busy head.

*1 . Tell her she is beautiful (not hot, fine, or sexy)
*2 . Hold her hand at any moment . . . even if its just for a second.
*3 . Kiss her on the forehead.
*4 . Leave her voice messages to wake up to.
*5 . Always tell her you love her every second of the day.
*6 . When she is upset, hold her tight and tell her how much she means to you.
*7 . Recognize the small things . . . they usually mean the most.
*8 . Sing to her no matter how horrible your voice is.
*9 . Pick her over all the other girls you hang out with.
*10 . Write her notes. (she loves them)
*11 . Introduce her to family and friends . . . as your girlfriend.
*12 . Play with her hair.
*13 . Pick her up, tickle her, and play-wrestle with her.*
*14 . Sit in the park and just talk to her.
*15 . Tell her funny jokes, tell her stupid jokes, or just tell her jokes.
*16 . Throw pebbles at her window in the middle of the night . . . just because you missed her.
*17 . Let her fall asleep in your arms.
*18. Carve your names into a tree.
*19 . If she's mad at you, kiss her.
*20 . Give her piggyback rides.
*21 . Bring her flowers just because.
*22 . Treat her the same around your friends as you do when your alone.
*23 . Look her in the eyes and smile.
*24 . Let her take as many pictures of you as she wants.
*25 . Slow dance with her, even if there isn't any music playing.
*26 . Kiss her in the rain.
*27 . If your in love with her . . . tell her.





Everyone should abide by these .... awesome idea... :) The ones with the (*) by them are my favorite...

 

I love you babe!!!

 

 

exhausted... mindfull of too many things and wishing i was with you...

live, love and Pathophysiolgy

Another day at work... other day with work to do. I am exhausted... had a bad dream last night that kept me up for hours. Alot of what kept me up wasnt that i was scared of the dream, it was that once i was up, that was it. Eyes wide open for the next hour and a half. That is what sucks about having too much crud on your mind. Cant stop thinking about all the things you need to get done. I got into FIU school of nursing and the way things are going now, i am in FAU's school of nursing also. I just dont know which one to choose. I love Miami.... a part of me will always be there. ... but I love the professors and the students I have been with this summer in the Fau program. Steph and Craig are going to start FAU in aug and Leslie is here... not in Miami. I dont want to be anymore away from him than i already am... cause Lord knows we will make the trips to see each other and it will just end up costing a zillion dollars in gas. o well... im gonna get back to work and the whirlwind in my head.

.jeanie.

what a silence, is death this quiet... how much do you love me, enough to die for me. My whole body is bitten from standing outside too long... tell me something i dont know. U dont know that i have yet to sleep alone a day in my life. I believe that... i have yet to be alone a day in my life. The lighthouse guides my path and brightens this dark tomb., these for walls that suffocate me. Breathe... air goes through my lungs and fills my capillaries, to penetrate my tissues and every molecule therein... what a miracle. Breathe again,...

Last night stunk and I am just really happy that it is over. I hate it when I dont have control. I hate it even more when my heart is involved and things seems completely out of my control. I dont know how to make it better, but it is all my fault anyways for letting heart get too involved. Maybe I should have never put it in harms way like i did in the past. But then again to care for something this much is a feeling that I dont think everyone has and I feel privlaged to have it... especially in my situation. It just sucks cause things hurt so much more.

If me being broke doesnt kill me, I am sure Pathophysiology will... so in leu of my recent discovery, I will be throwing a party in honor of my passing in about a month or so. I am sure by then, I will know more about the status of my health and can give everyone a date. Be sure to be working on your eulogies. :) for real
though., I am sure I wont die, but maybe sometimes i might wish i was dead. Having wings and spending time with Jesus in heaven seems so much cooler than reading for aprox. 11hrs everyday, "if i am lucky" and thinking about how much more fun i could be having if i was not studying. I have realized something though. It is the studying that makes the having fun part so much fun!... It is so true when they say, "Study hard and party harder" College is contantly balancing your study time and hanging out time and since you only have a limited time to hang out, you value it and take advantage of that time so much more! It is the in between parts that are great and the aquiring of knowledge is an awesome thing too... I am not sure if i will ever allow myself to get so complacent with my mind ever again. I love gaining knowledge and actually knowing something about some thing for real. Anyways, I have to get back to studying.